


With a Thousand Sweet Kisses

by WishingOnWhishaw



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate Universe - RENT, Angst, Fluff, HIV/AIDS, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Other, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Trans Character, its happy i swear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3248117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishingOnWhishaw/pseuds/WishingOnWhishaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arin had it hard growing up, so he ran away from home and headed for New York City in search of a better life without the fear and the lies. It's here that he meets his best friends and lovers, where he finds himself and acceptance and learns that things really do get better. Based off the musical RENT, tags will be added as new chapters are posted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Pay Me Back

**Author's Note:**

> Trans!Arin is my weakness. I imagined him as Angel and it was all downhill from there. I have no idea how long this is gonna be, or what pairings I'll throw in, it's all being played by ear. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do!
> 
> Also, if you haven't seen it, RENT is a fabulous musical and I'd totally recommend it. But you don't need to be familiar with it for this story to make sense.

Arin was angry. Angry at the world around him, angry that the rest of the world forced these stupid expectations on him. Angry and bitter and hating this stupid fucking world we live in where everything is either black or white and there’s no room for anything in between because how dare he question what some stupid fucking doctor decided before he could even realise what his own damn name was. Why did somebody else, some stranger, get to decide who he was? Why couldn’t he have his own say without feeling like a disappointment, without feeling like the world was against him and he was some lonely freak that nobody could ever accept. He resented everyone around him who had ever decided he was a boy. Sure, some days he was. But why did that have to be some constant, fixed thing about him? Why couldn’t he have days where he wanted to wear pretty skirts and go get a manicure without everyone staring at him like he was some sort of abomination? Why was it that he had to sit in his room at night when he was only sixteen, questioning his whole existence and hating the world? Why did he feel so guilty about something that he couldn’t even control? He shouldn’t have had to drop out of high school, shouldn’t be terrified of his parents finding out that sometimes he spent his allowance on new clothes and make-up, dressing himself up on a Friday night like he was going to some party like a normal girl. He hated it. He hated having to deal with everyone seeing him as the boy he wasn’t. He hated sitting in biology class, hearing that all girls had XX chromosomes because it made him realise how fucked up he was. It was exhausting. Emotionally draining having to get up on some days and pretend he was fine going out into the world and having every single person see him as male when really, he felt like a girl.

Arin was terrified of everything, so he left. He left school; shut himself up in his room with his art and his stupid feelings. Thankfully, his mom knew how much he’d hated the place, how he’d never been all that academic in the first place, and she didn’t complain. Then he got too scared to even face his family. Scared to see them in case they’d somehow be able to tell all of his dirty little secrets from taking one look at him. He spent a good couple of years at home, depressed and shut up in his room most of the time. All the while, plans flitted through his mind, thoughts of times in the future where Arin could be himself and not worry about anything.

Until one day he snapped. He dug out his old backpack, gathered all of his favourite clothes, his art supplies, the treats he’d bought himself in an attempt to feel more normal, when in reality they mostly just made him feel worse. He gathered his money he’d been saving over the last few months, stole a little more from his parents, and he ran away from home. He didn’t even know where he was going, not really, and didn’t care; he just knew he needed to get away from his family, from everyone who knew him. It was fucked up, but he needed a fresh start with people who could tolerate him. Or maybe nobody at all, so he wouldn’t be judged. Anything was better than the shit he was living with now

He felt stupid. Everything was stupid, especially the stupid fucking world that hated him almost as much as he hated himself. But then there was Danny. Stupid fucking Danny who accepted him despite everything, who allowed him to wear his dresses and put on his make-up, to rant about the rest of the world and who held him and sang softly to calm him down when he got too worked up. Danny who would praise his art and play with Arin’s long hair, who’d go shopping and put up with Arin fussing over which nail polish colour he wanted to buy. Danny who smoked his pot and laughed easily, teasing Arin and giving just as good as he got. Danny could get just as depressed on some days, hitting low points as he remembered parts of his life he was too scared to talk about, but then Arin was there for him too. They kept each other stable; they were good for each other.

 

* * *

 

 

It was so much easier for Arin to leave it all behind, much to his own surprise. There was a combination of hitch hiking, of sacrificing some of his change for bus money, of walking down dead roads in the hope that someone would drive by and pick him up. The decision to head to New York was pretty much a subconscious one. There was no moment where he’d decided he needed to get there specifically, but instead something about the big city pulled Arin in. The idea of such a place felt like a safety blanket, where he could blend into a crowd of other people, where there was bound to be someone who didn't judge him as soon as they found out his secret. Sure, it was dangerous. There was no guarantee that he'd even reach his destination, and there were times when he'd be sat in the cab of a lorry with some shifty looking truck driver and he'd wondered if he'd ever get let out. He was pretty sure he reeked of desperation, and one glance at him on the roadside just screeched vulnerable. It would have been all too easy for someone to take advantage, and Arin had seen a fair number of gross old guys who looked like they were contemplating it. Luckily it never amounted to anything and, by some miracle; he reached the big apple alive and perfectly well.

However, he hadn't thought much beyond this in his grand plan of running away from home, hadn't considered what he'd do when he actually got to NYC. For the first few days he wandered around the city, taking in the high rise buildings and the sheer busyness of everything around him. He loved it, thrived off the constant throng of people and cars, of movement and _life_ that surrounded him 24 hours a day. It really was the city that never slept. Arin, however, did need to sleep, and due to his lack of accommodation, he did so mostly alone on park benches or with sometimes with other homeless people who gathered around fires they'd made beneath bridges, their sleeping bags laying all around him on the floor. He tried never to stay in one place too long, to get too attached or comfortable. Arin was much too insecure right now to risk growing attached to people right away, still needed to figure himself out before he offered it up to anyone else.

As the weeks passed him by the novelty of NYC had worn off, Arin quickly realised he needed to get more money but he had no idea how the fuck he was going to get hold of some, at least not legally. He’d stopped doing the touristy things, like wandering around and marvelling at the skyscrapers or central park, so his days were spent sitting on the streets with his sketchbook, drawing whatever random face in crowd happened to catch his attention. Sure, he was dirt poor now, but he was a million times happier than he had been at home. The cold nights and the almost constant hunger were nothing when he thought back to the way things had been before. The freedom felt good, the fact he could wear what he liked and draw what he wanted to, that he wasn’t living in constant fear of rejection and humiliation. All of that was worth a thousand times more than the thought of a warm bed and hot meals on regular basis.

Arin could pinpoint the exact moment he started drawing for money, and it most certainly wasn’t his idea. He was sat huddled against a wall, sketchbook propped up against his thighs as he doodled mindlessly, the profile of police officer who had practically interrogated him earlier that morning. He wasn’t being at all discreet, but he was engrossed in his work and as a result, didn’t notice the couple that had stopped to watch him. His hand moved idly over the page, exaggerating the cop’s features in his typical cartoon style.

“Can you do us?” A woman asked, startling Arin out of his thoughts. His head snapped up, blinking for a moment and looking around before deciding that she must be talking to him.

“E-excuse me?” He stuttered, looking confusedly up at the grinning pair.

“Do us!” She exclaimed, gesturing down at the drawing of the cop. “We’ll pay you, of course.”

“Oh,” Arin replied dumbly, feeling shocked and also flattered. His face broke out into a grin, and he flipped over to a clean page. “Yeah, of course.”

He worked quickly, making rough sketches of the two before going over finer details, shaping their faces and features. He didn’t want to keep them waiting too long, being as efficient as he could whilst still making sure the drawings were of good quality. When he was done, he looked up again and took the smiles of the pair as a good sign.

“I can colour them if you want?” He offered, receiving two enthusiastic nods in reply and digging in his backpack for his pencils and setting back to work. When he was done he quickly signed the page before taking it out of his book and handing it over to the woman, thanking her as she paid him $10 and walked away with the man, talking excitedly about the drawing they’d gotten.

It all just picked up from there; with people (mostly tourists) standing around for five minutes or so and paying Arin for drawing them as cartoons. Arin had money coming in now, could feed himself every day and buy a hot drink when he got too cold. Sure, he still slept on benches in the street, but things were looking up in his life. The winter was drawing in, though, and every day into December the temperature seemed to drop further, but Arin was still alive and well, so he didn’t mind all that much.

He still kept to himself, tried to not get involved in the lives that were playing out around him. That didn’t mean he didn’t notice them or that he was oblivious to the people who passed him by. Nor did it mean that he couldn’t break his own rules about keeping to himself every once in a while. Particularly, he broke said rule one night when he was sleeping by some abandoned apartment blocks that he was pretty sure were filled with squatters. He saw some guy at a pay phone, someone who was presumably his friend throwing something down to him. Arin thought nothing of it, turned back to his doodles for a moment until he heard a commotion a little way down the street, lifting his eyes to see a group of thugs surrounding the man from before, throwing him to ground. Arin shoved his things into his backpack, pushed up to his feet and waited until the group moved on before rushing over to help, knowing he would be of no use in fighting them off. He offered his hand, pulling the stranger to his feet with a small smile.

“You okay man?” Arin asked, wrapping an arm around the guy’s shoulders as he swayed on his feet. His nose was bleeding and Arin wished he could offer something to clean him up with. His eyes were a startling blue and it took a lot of Arin’s self-control not stare into them and creep out some guy he just met.

“Yeah, I uh… I think I need to lie down,” he chuckled nervously.

“Shit, dude, did they get anything? Do you need a hospital?”

“Just my coat, I’m fine. Thank you, though,” he replied with sincerity. He spoke slowly, clearly shaken and apparently dizzy from the way he kept looking like he’d keel over. He wiped his nose, heavily relying on the solid body beside him to stay on his feet.

“Hey, no problem. I’m Arin,” he smiled, letting the stranger lean onto him.

“Brian,” the man nodded. “Could you do me a favour?”

“Sure, what do you need?”

“My friend’s waiting for me, but I don’t think I can handle the stairs on my own,” he laughed weakly.

“Yeah, no problem! Just tell me where we’re going, okay?”

With that, Brian directed him inside, digging a key out of his pocket and handing it over to Arin as he helped him up flight after flight of stairs. They made small talk, finding out little snippets of each other’s life. Arin learned that Brian was a teacher at MIT, specialising in theoretical physics. Arin took a few moments to digest that, that some random guy he’d met on the street was a fucking genius scientist, but he recovered quickly and continued listening. Brian said that he was back visiting some friends in New York, since he had nowhere else to be over the festive season. It was only then that Arin realised this would be his first Christmas alone, but he tried not to dwell on that.

His suspicions about the building and its occupants were correct, and there were eviction notices stuck up all over the place. However, nobody seemed to pay them any attention, apart from the odd tenant ripping them off the walls.

“Are your friends not supposed to be here or something?” Arin questioned.

“No, they want the building for some studios or something. But nobody’s planning on leaving any time soon. If they don’t have this place, they’ll all be out on the streets. Can’t exactly blame them for being stubborn, huh?”

“Yeah, no, I’d totally stay put too,” Arin said firmly, knowing he’d never give up shelter if he found it.

“You live nearby?” Brian questioned, taking a break from leaning on Arin to support himself on the wall. “It’s just down here,” he added.

“Uh, yeah, sometimes. It depends, y’know?”

“You sleeping rough?” Brian enquired with his voice suddenly full of genuine concern and, yeah, there was no way that could be a look of worry Arin must have been seeing things. He shrugged in reply, earning a sigh from the older man. “Jesus,” he muttered under his breath.

They carried on down the hall in a surprisingly easy silence until Brian pointed out which door they were heading towards. Arin unlocked it since Brian was still shaking considerably, feeling awkward as he helped the guy inside his friend’s apartment.

“Brian, dude, what happened to you?!” Came a voice, the figure of a tall and lanky man with an astounding afro coming around the corner from what Arin assumed was a kitchen area to greet them and holy shit, the guy was pretty cute.

“Couple of thugs jumped me and got my coat, it’s no big deal,” Brian explained, waving away his friend’s fussing hands.

“I’ll get you a cloth, hold on,” he said, dashing back off behind the corner. Brian shuffled further into the room and fell onto an old, beaten-up couch. Arin followed close behind, worrying still that he might fall over again. “So, who’s your adorable little buddy?” the man called over the sound of the water running. Arin’s eyes went wide as he realised that Brian’s friend was referring to him and he was very thankful that the power was apparently out, since the darkness did a pretty good job of hiding his flushed cheeks. Brian just rolled his eyes, mouthing a ‘Sorry’ to Arin.

“Arin is the reason that I’m here and not passed out in some alley,” Brian called back, a small smirk on his lips. The tall man reappeared with a damp wash cloth, throwing it unceremoniously into Brian’s lap and earning a fond mumble of “Asshole,” in response. Brian tilted his head back slightly, cleaning up the blood on his face as his friend ripped a few things off the wall, throwing them into an oil drum in the centre of the room before striking a match and dropping that in too.

“Sorry about the cold dark thing going on,” he laughed. “They cut the power to try and get us to leave. Oh! I’m Danny, by the way. Hi,” he introduced himself with a huge grin. Arin couldn’t help but smile a little at the sheer enthusiasm radiating off him.

“It’s cool,” Arin replied, looking around the dark apartment, various band posters on the walls being dimly illuminated by the flames flickering in the drum.

“It’s Arin, right?” Dan asked, getting comfortable on a tattered armchair that sat facing the couch, pulling his gangly legs up under himself. Arin nodded a reply, feeling like his heart clenched a little at the way Danny said his name. Danny turned his attention then, a teasing glint flashing in his eyes. “So, you bringing cute students back for me now, Bri? Or are you trying to make me jealous?”

“I’d forgotten how much of an ass you could be,” was all Brian offered, though there was no malice in it at all. Arin could feel Dan’s eyes looking him over every now and then and he shifted under the gaze, feeling slightly self-conscious for the first time since he’d left home. He had actually bothered to put make-up on today, even if he was just wearing a pair of jeans and a hoodie. He felt like Danny was judging him, like he was about to make some derogatory comment at any moment. But it never came. Danny shrugged, his grin getting even bigger as he wound Brian up.

“You love it. And I’m just saying man, they look a little young for you. No offence,” he added, directing his attention back to Arin who shook his head in reply.

“Too young to be living on the streets at least,” Brian mumbled to himself, but apparently not quietly enough to be private, since Danny’s eyes went wide.

“Dude, you don’t fucking sleep out, do you?” Dan questioned, all of his playfulness falling away into worry. Arin nodded slowly, feeling suddenly under pressure. “Shit, Arin, it’s fucking December! Don’t you get cold?”

“Sometimes, but it’s not so bad,” Arin shrugged.

“It’s stupid,” Brian interjected, and Arin was reminded of his parents, of his mother worrying over him, angry but affectionate. He briefly wondered what they were doing now, how they were coping without him back home before he realised he didn’t need to care about that any more.

“You’re telling me. I’ve got space here, Arin, you can move in!” Danny declared.

“N-no, that’s… It’s okay, you don’t need to-”

“Need to what?” Danny cut in. “Don’t need to let you stay in this apartment that I don’t even own so that you don’t freeze to death in your sleep? Yeah, I think I do.”

“I don’t wanna be an inconvenience,” Arin tried to protest.

“You won’t be, I swear. There’s loads of room in here and it’ll be nice to have some company. Right, Brian?”

“It is the most logical solution.”

“Right, that’s settled then. Arin’s moving in!” Danny cheered, actually throwing his arms up in celebration. Brian laughed at his friend’s childish nature, and Arin couldn’t help but join in, chuckling softly as Danny beamed triumphantly and Brian shook his head, his laughter getting more intense and infectious. And as he sat there with his two new friends, one of which was now his room-mate, Arin finally felt like he _belonged_ to something. It had taken months of moving around and sleeping rough, of being alone but with so much freedom that the loneliness didn’t even matter. It was now, with Brian and Danny, that Arin felt like he’d finally found some sort of true happiness in this city, that he was home again. This was everything he’d been looking for, for people who not only accepted him, but who actually wanted him around. Yeah, sure it was bizarre. He’d just met this guy and was now apparently moving in with him, but it felt so right. It came easy to be friendly around them, to relax and laugh fall in to easy banter. It may have been a huge risk, packing up his whole life into a backpack and leaving for New York, but Arin was convinced within that one hour of his life that it had all been worth it.


	2. Before the Virus Takes Hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got much angstier much quicker than I expected it to, woops. That's what happens when you base Danny on Roger, I guess. There's also implied ninja ship party, don't know if you're into that, but hey. Enjoy the conflict, lovelies; there's fluff as a reward. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: there's a use of a word in this chapter which may be considered a homophobic/transphobic slur. In this context, the word 'queer' is not used derogatorily but as an umbrella term by members of the mogai community to describe themselves.

Months fell away from them, Danny and Arin squatting in some shitty, run-down apartment building, writing songs and smoking the day away. Arin would walk the city a little, drawing or sketching, selling caricatures to tourists and finally feeling a little more at peace with himself. He would come home with bags of chips or candy bars for their dinner, huddling with Dan next to the fire the older man made in the drum in middle of their living space. Arin wasn’t sure what the deal was with Brian, but apparently he wasn’t going back to his job in Massachusetts, since he was around their place most days. Danny never questioned him on it and Arin hardly felt like it has his place to, since they were nowhere near as close as Brian and Danny were. So Brian was there, Arin had somewhere to live and he was happy. What more could he ask for, really?

It was surprising how quickly he and Danny got close. Arin wasn’t sure why, but something between them must have been compatible, because they clicked instantly. He didn’t see any other people regularly for the longest time, and Arin didn’t really care. It was nice to feel like he had friends for the first time in months, years even. After so long of shutting himself from everyone, it was a nice change to have even one friend, let alone two. Danny and he got on especially well, with Arin quickly adjusting to his flirtatious nature and returning it easily. Some days the line between friends and something more wasn’t too clear and there were times where Dan (usually whilst high) would go too far with the jokes, make everything that little bit too real and leave Arin questioning how the older man felt. There were nights where they’d huddle together on the couch for warmth, when Brian would come back to find them passed out together, and he’d shake his head but still throw a blanket over them. Arin it assumed it was just Dan’s nature, that he was naturally just that playful and loving, that it didn’t really mean anything.

Despite their close relationship, Arin wasn’t sure what Danny did during the day or even what Brian did for that matter. He assumed that Brian worked some place in the city since he left and came back roughly the time every day, but he had no clue what Dan got up to. One particular afternoon Arin came home earlier than he usually did, only to find them arguing. He paused outside their apartment door at the sound of muffled yelling coming from the inside, wondering what the hell had the two of them so worked up.

“They don’t need to know!” Danny shouted, “What’s the point of telling them just to get them worried?”

“He’s supposed to be your friend, for fucks sake!” Came Brian’s reply. Arin knew that he should go, that he shouldn’t be standing here eavesdropping on a conversation that clearly wasn’t meant for his ears, but he couldn’t leave. It was cold and dead out, not to mention the rain that had started whilst Arin was walking home.

“Exactly! They’re my god damn friend, and friends don’t make each other stressed out needlessly.”

“You really think it’s needless?” Brian laughed sarcastically and Arin was straining to hear now, the voices on the other side of the door having returned to a more normal volume. “You really don’t think he should know that you could just go any minute? Don’t you realise how wrecked he’s gonna be if one day you’re not here and you never even bothered to tell him that might happen or why it’s gonna happen?”

“I’m not gonna upset them over this when it’s not even a big fucking deal, Brian!”

“It’s a huge deal you idiot!” Brian yelled, shocking Arin with the amount of frustration in his voice. He knew this had gone too far, that he needed to stop listening in on this conversation. He pulled his key out of his pocket, making as much noise as possible as he unlocked the door. He heard everything fall deadly silent as he came inside, feeling the tension in the air between his friends and looking between the two of them with a furrowed brow.

“What’s up, what have I missed?” He asked, pretending that he hadn’t heard any of the argument they’d just been having.

“Danny’s being an idiot, as usual,” Brian replied, looking at the musician pointedly. Dan shot him a death glare in response, silently warning him to not say any more on the matter. Arin narrowed his eyes at the pair, taking in the disappointment that Brian was showing and Danny’s own stubborn look. He was curious what they had been talking about, what secrets Dan apparently had and who he was keeping them from. But clearly Danny didn’t want Arin to know, and Arin could respect that. He’d kept enough secrets of his own to understand that Danny wanted privacy. Still, the air in the room was filled with an awkward tension and Arin had no idea how to deal with it.

“Should I- do you want me to go?” Arin questioned, wondering if they needed to work out whatever it was they were arguing over without Arin hanging around.

“No,” Dan replied firmly, getting in before Brian had a chance to say anything. “It’s okay, we’re done.”

“Well if Danny says we’re done, who am I to question it?” Brian replied snidely, earning himself another scowl for the comment.

“You actually wanna drag this out further?” Danny snapped.

“I just want you to take some fucking responsibility for a change. Maybe try thinking about someone other than yourself. Is that too much to ask of you, Danny?”

“I really think I should go,” Arin protested, but his words fell on deaf ears, his friends only focusing on each other right now.

“Oh, because you’re such a selfless person, huh, Brian? Mister Perfect who never ever hurts anybody’s feelings, who didn’t up and abandon his friends to go out of state for a job.”

“Don’t you _dare_ try to spin this to make me look like a bad guy,” Brian replied calmly yet still with authority in his voice, and Arin could see the teacher in him coming out. “This is not about me, this is about you hiding away your problems and hoping they’ll disappear. Well guess what, Danny? They won’t. You can’t sit here and do nothing but smoke and play guitar and believe that that will be enough to fix everything.”

“You ran away Brian!” Dan replied harshly. Arin felt uncomfortable, the argument feeling much more tense now that the two of them were no longer shouting. “You ran away from your problems, from _me_ , so don’t you try and fucking criticise me for this.”

“Whatever,” Brian sighed, knowing that this argument was getting him nowhere. “You know that was different. I’m here now. _I_ came back. Just think about that. I’ll catch up with you later, Arin,” he added with a small smile before heading for the door. Danny said nothing, standing up and moving to grab his guitar. Arin murmured a quiet ‘Goodbye,’ to Brian, watching him leave until he was left staring at the door.

“Do I even wanna know what that was all about?” the younger questioned, sitting down on the couch and flipping open his sketch book.

“Brian just thinks he can dictate my life. I know he means well, but… Fuck, it’s so frustrating, y’know? I can make my own decisions.” Arin hummed in reply, remaining otherwise silent for a couple of minutes until he couldn’t stand the niggling question that was playing on his mind.

“Did you guys, uh… I mean, the way you were talking and stuff. You used to date?”

“Something like that,” Danny laughed, thinking back on the way things used to be before Brian left for his teaching job. “Things are never that simple with him, though. Why do you ask? You jealous?” He teased softly, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Of him or you?” Arin shot back quickly, grinning to himself at their banter.

“Him, obviously. I’m definitely the hotter one. Brian could never compete with my sex appeal.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Arin provoked, smirking as he wound Danny up. “I mean, Brian is pretty hot. It’s a close call, man. But honestly, I think I’m leaning more toward his side right now.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Danny laughed, voice full of affection.

“No, I’m serious!” Arin objected. “He’s got that cute but sexy thing going on, it’s pretty awesome. Not to mention he’s some sort of fucking genius.”

“Not in the bedroom,” Danny smirked, waggling his eyebrows and making Arin giggle. “I’m the genius in the boning department.”

“Sure you are,” Arin mumbled, not sounding at all convinced. He sat chuckling to himself as he turned back to the drawing he’d started earlier out on the street: a comic featuring a young girl in a baseball jersey who passed him and struck his inspiration. He heard movement near to him, raising his head to investigate and jumping out of his skin at the sight of Danny, who apparently had snuck up on him whilst he had been distracted. “Christ, Dan! Way to scare the crap out of me, dude.”

“Sorry,” the musician shrugged, not looking at all apologetic. “Who are you drawing?”

“Just some kid,” Arin said, adding in the background of the comic strip he was working on. “She wanted to be a professional athlete, so I made her one. Is that weird?”

“Nah, it’s sweet,” Dan replied honestly, leaning over to look at the drawings. “I bet she’d love it. You know, you’re talented. You could do this professionally.”

“I get paid now, and it’s enough. You could play guitar professionally, but you don’t. You’re happy like this, right?”

“I guess,” Danny sighed, slouching and looking up at the ceiling. He was quiet again for a while, listening to the sounds of their breathing and the scratching of pencils against paper. He tapped his foot on the floor to some unknown rhythm and Arin waited, knowing there was something that Danny was dying to say, but that he was hesitating. “Do you really have a thing for Brian?” He asked eventually, causing Arin to start laughing again. Dan narrowed his eyes, not sure how to interpret that reaction.

“Now who’s the jealous one?” Arin replied playfully, shuffling up on the couch and nudging Dan with his elbow.

“I’m not jealous,” Dan replied defensively, shaking his head. “I’m just thinking, I could drop him a few hints or something. God knows he could do with a good lay. We both could.” He added as an afterthought. Arin blinked owlishly at the statement, wondering what kind of impression Danny had of him that he thought he just wanted a night in bed with one of his friends.

“Jesus, man, I don’t… Why don’t you guys just hook up again?”

“I wish. Like I said, shit’s complicated between us. We got too close, it got weird. I don’t know if it’d work out even if we gave it another shot.”

“You miss him,” Arin observed with a small smile.

“It’s not like missing him, it’s just… Feeling like you’ve lost something important and worrying you won’t find it again. That sort of thing.” Arin gave a nod of understanding, no longer looking at his book and instead directing all of his attention to Dan.

“Shit, I’ve opened a can of worms here, huh? Sorry for bringing this whole thing up. I should’ve just kept my nose out.”

"It's all good, baby girl," Dan said casually with a dismissive wave of his hand, not even thinking about the words or their implication, just letting them come out naturally. Arin, however, tensed up, his eyes wide as he stared at his friend in disbelief.

"Y-you, I... Dan, what, why did you-" the younger stuttered, unable to speak through his shock.

"Shit," Danny muttered under his breath, realising what he'd said. "Was that not cool? I'm sorry, Arin, I know I shouldn't assume or anything, I didn't mean-"

"That's the first time anyone's called me a girl," Arin admitted, eyes welling up as he was overcome with so many new emotions. It felt so good to be acknowledged, for Dan to just drop things like that into conversation without a second thought, just accepting Arin's identity and embracing it fully. Sure, Arin hadn’t specifically disclosed said identity, but that fact made him feel even better about the whole thing. Dan watched his friend's face carefully, unable to figure out whether or not Arin was pissed at him. The artist's expression was unreadable, and Dan found it impossible to determine whether Arin was upset or ecstatic over the whole thing.

"If you don't like it, I'll cut that shit out, I swear. I didn't mean to offend you or anything."

"No!" Arin cried, shaking his head quickly and smiling through the tears in his eyes. "N-no, please, I... It's nice," he admitted shyly, ducking his head. Dan beamed at that, moving forward and tilting up Arin's head by the chin, wiping a tear from his cheek.

"It's okay," he soothed, voice gentle and reassuring. "I don't mind, you know that, right? I don't mind if you want to be my baby girl or my lover boy or neither of those things. Shit, Arin, I don't care if it's a different thing every day, I just want you to be happy. So if you want me to refer to you as something, just fucking tell me, yeah?"

Arin laughed softly at that, nodding his head as he wrapped his arms around Dan, mumbling a "Thank you," into his chest and appreciating the feeling of the hug being reciprocated. Thinking on it now, Danny couldn’t believe he hadn't brought the issue up sooner. He had always been unsure when it came to Arin, had tried to use neutral pronouns whenever he talked about them to avoid causing his new friend any discomfort. Really, Dan should’ve just flat out asked him, but there was always that risk of offending. If Arin was just a guy who liked make-up and nail polish and who wore dresses or skirts on some days, then who was Danny to judge? He liked to keep an open mind when it came to these things, and he didn’t care how Arin identified. Dan just wanted to avoid making him upset either way, so he had kept his mouth shut. It wasn’t as if he had experience dealing with this sort of thing either, so all in all, Dan thought he’d handled everything pretty well. Dan pulled back and gave his friend a reassuring smile.

“You good?” He asked patiently, taking in Arin’s teary eyes and damp cheeks.

“Yeah, it’s just… I’ve never told anyone before. I wasn’t expecting you to be so chill about it.”

“What the hell did you expect?” Dan replied, his voice filled with a fondness that made Arin’s heart clench. “You think I was gonna be an ass about it or something? Damn, Arin, I’m not a complete douche bag.”

“No, no I know that,” Arin said hurriedly, realising that he and Danny still had their arms around one another. “I didn’t know how you were going to react and I just… I’ve been so scared about telling anyone for so long, and when I was at home it was never something I could just admit. I guess I just spent so long worrying that everyone would reject me that I never even considered the idea that people would be fine with it.”

“You’re fine Arin; literally nobody here cares about that shit here, okay? This whole part of Manhattan is filled with people like us.”

“Like us?” Arin echoed, not sure what Danny was referring too.

“Yeah, y’know, queers. Hell, I don’t think I know anyone in this building who hasn’t experimented with their sexuality or their gender or what-the-fuck-ever. We’re like a bunch of misfits, all of us. But we fit together, and that’s all that matters. You don't have to be afraid to be you.”  
  
"That makes me feel a hell of a lot better. Like, some days it's fine you know, and I don't care but there's the times when I'm all touchy and I hate it. I'm constantly back and forth and it's stressful as fuck so yeah. Thanks."  
  
"I'm glad you do," Dan said sincerely, rubbing a hand over Arin's back. "And I can understand that. If you need me to like, change what I call you or if I say something not cool, you tell me, okay? Even if it's just a daily thing where you say how you're feeling so I don't fuck shit up, I want you to feel like you can talk about it. You correct me if I say anything you're not down with. And the same goes for Brian, he doesn't get a free pass just because you're crushing on him."  
  
"Oh my god, Danny," the younger sniggered. "I was just pushing your buttons, man. I don't really have a thing for him." Dan shrugged in response, aiming for nonchalant but Arin swore he saw a flicker of relief pass over Dan's face.  
  
"I could hardly judge if you did. But hey, we can talk boys another time. You hungry?"  
  
"Yeah, you want me to go get something?"  
  
"I mean you could, but I thought we could go somewhere together for a change. Get out of this dump and see the city. You up for it?"  
  
"Like I'm gonna say no," Arin replied with a roll of his eyes, watching Dan grab his coat and pull it on.  
  
"Great! Let's go, we can pick up with Brian on the way. He always goes to the same shitty coffee shop when we argue, he's so predictable. But to our advantage," he added, grabbing Arin by the hand and tugging the artist out of the door. Arin just laughed to himself, wondering how he got so lucky in finding such great friends. Sure they were crazy and sometimes wildly inappropriate, not to mention hard work when they fought. But who cared about that shit when Dan was holding his hand or Brian was cracking jokes, when they could sit around and sing with each other, feeling rebellious with every eviction notice they ignored. 


	3. Seen You Out and About

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got pretty dialogue heavy, so sorry about that? Bits may be repetitive, I'm not too great at writing conversations. This also isn't very ship heavy, aside from some one-sided flapbang flirting. Really sorry.
> 
> WARNINGS: talks of AIDS, brief mentions/references to death and more talk of drugs

It had been a few weeks since Danny’s diagnosis and he still hadn’t told anyone but Brian about the results of his test. He had another appointment this week, something about medication, but Danny hadn’t been paying much attention to anything the doctors had been saying to him after the big blow. HIV positive. Who would’ve guessed? Dan knew he hadn’t always been careful, he knew there were times when he was too stoned to even fully comprehend that anything was happening in terms of his sexual encounters, but that was beside the point. He'd never done hard drugs, had avoided needles at all costs and yeah, so what if he slept around a bit? He'd always thought he'd be fine, that a good night with a stranger was nothing for him to get worried about. Oh how he was wrong.

Of all the things that Dan had had to cope with in his life, this one was certainly the thing he had expected least. But then he supposed nobody ever set out in life with the intention of getting AIDS. He was still thinking over Brian’s advice, but the thought of telling Arin about the whole thing was almost as scary as the other struggles Dan was about to face in his life. He didn’t know why, but he felt this need to protect them. Maybe it was the way Arin was so guarded about themselves, the insecurity Dan could see every time Arin wore a skirt or took the time to do their makeup. Those cautious looks like they were constantly scared of being attacked and Danny hated the thought of the people who had made Arin scared like this, who had repressed them to the point that Arin was scared to be themselves. Danny didn’t want to pile his own problems on top of all that.

So Danny was sulking, sat in the apartment with his guitar writing a slow song, experimenting with chords as he hummed lyrics to himself. Brian was out, having left that morning to go to an interview. He had been trying to find work that was more local so he could be around more often. Danny knew why, even if they never spoke about it. He knew that Brian was worried about how much time they had, worried about the hours he was wasting travelling back and forth his current job every day when he could be with them. Dan almost found it funny, that Brian was more concerned about his days being numbered than Danny himself was.

Arin had also gone out that morning, like he usually did, and he wasn't supposed to be back for a couple of hours, meaning that Danny had time to himself to do nothing particularly productive. He could barely focus on his music, couldn't come up with anything new and so he just played the same riff over and over. He jumped at the sound of somebody knocking on the door, frowning as he glanced at the time. There was no way Arin would be back this early, and Brian had his key. So who the fuck was outside his apartment? He sighed heavily, taking his time getting up and moving over to open the door.

Dan tilted his head as his eyes scanned over the person before him. A fierce looking woman that Danny was sure he recognised from _somewhere_ , he just couldn't put his finger on it. He took a moment to appreciate the fact she was wearing a nirvana T-shirt under her flannel and instantly warmed up to this young girl (because Dan realised upon closer inspection she couldn't have been older than 20), with her ripped tights and heavy black eye makeup.

"You need something?" Danny asked, stepping back instinctively as the girl moved forwards, letting herself into the apartment and looking around.

"A friend?" She offered in response, a grin on her face as she spun to face Dan again. "Or matches, if you've got 'em. More importantly, I guess."

"Matches?" Dan echoed with a frown, glancing over at the window. Yup, still day time. "It's not even dark."

"Yeah, but it's gonna _get_ dark, silly. And I'm working late, so I figured hey, I'm more likely to get a pleasant response if I'm not bothering my neighbours at four in the morning."

"Yeah, good call," he laughed, moving to where he kept his lighters and rummaging to see if he still had matches here somewhere. Meanwhile the girl wandered around some more before hopping up onto the table, legs swinging as she watched Dan. "I'm sure I had some here," he said to himself before speaking up a little. "Hey, what did you say your name was?"

"I didn't," came the girl's reply and Dan turned around just in time to catch a mischievous smile on her face before she started laughing. "But it's Suzy. You?"

"Danny," he replied, making his way back across the room, holding out an almost full box he'd managed to find.

"Well, Dan," Suzy said, making no move to leave or take the matches from Danny. "You look like you need me here." That earned a frown from the man, not sure if he should be offended.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that you look lonely. And miserable. You could use some excitement in your life!"

"And you've come to excite me?" He scoffed, one eyebrow raised in question. He didn't take too kindly to being called miserable by strangers, and he was doing his best not to be rude when he was sure this Suzy was just trying to help.

"If you want," she shrugged. "Or just to keep you company. God knows you could use it, sat up here on your own all day. I mean, what's up with that? You should be out, making friends! Normally people don't just waltz into your apartment and demand you like them, you know?"

"I have friends," Dan replied defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. Suzy clearly wasn't convinced, looking pointedly around the room.

"Really? Because I don't see any. Just you, here alone in your apartment. Which is super sad, by the way. That you've got this huge place to yourself."

"My room mates are out, thanks," Danny snapped, sighing when he heard how horrible he sounded. "Sorry, I mean... I'm really not that lonely. I appreciate your concern and all, but I do actually have friends."

"They're not great friends if they go out and leave you all alone though, are they?"

"I mean, they're busy," Dan replied with a shrug, "And I'd rather stay here than be in their way, so it works out for everyone."

"Oooohh," Suzy whistled, nodding her head slowly. He didn't know why, but Dan couldn't bring himself to get mad at how bold she was being, sitting there on his table in _his_ apartment. Probably because he knew deep down there was some truth to what she was saying. "I get it. Sad man with a guitar who'd rather mope all day than get out and have some fun." She narrowed her eyes a little then, studying his face closely, her head tilted to one side in a position which showed off the shaved part of her hair. "Who'd you lose, honey?"

"Like it matters to you," Danny scoffed, turning and going back to his previous position on the couch, playing the same riff again on his guitar. He heard Suzy hop down, heard the heavy footsteps from her combat boots as she approached, but he refused to look up from the fretboard.

"I'm only trying to help," came the soft response as Suzy flopped into the armchair opposite him, pulling her knees up under herself. Apparently she didn't plan on leaving any time soon, and sure, Dan could probably kick her out if he really wanted to, but it was nice to have the company.

"Yeah," Dan sighed, glancing up at the girl with a sad smile. "I know, it's... I guess I've just had a rough week. Didn't mean to take it out on you, y'know? I just-"

"Just don't talk about it," Suzy finished, and Dan smiled sadly at how well she could read him, despite the fact they'd literally just met. "But that's why you get like, more sad and stuff. It makes it worse when you're all withdrawn. Like, I'm not saying you should be pouring your heart out to me. I get it, I just walked into you apartment and stole your matches, so if you're all _'Why should I trust this freaky girl?'_ then I get that. But... Talk to someone for me, yeah?"

"Fuck, Suzy," he laughed, actually looking up to her now. "You didn't need to go all spiritual life coach on me, man. I got it. She uh... Brooke. She died a while ago now. I'm not, it doesn't, I mean... I'm not still hung up on it, if that's what you're getting at. Fuck, it's nearly two years now. Sure there are times I think of her and I get bummed out, but it's easier than it was and that's not what's going on here. You just caught me at a bad time."

"I can relate," Suzy replied, and Dan hated the sympathetic look he was getting from her, because lord knows he didn't need the pity of some kid who (he assumed) lived in his building. "But please tell me you do get out. I'm seriously gonna have to start running some sort of intervention if you're cooped up in here all day on your own." Dan just shrugged his shoulders, trying to remember the last time he'd actually gone out to have fun, rather than just to get food or visit the doctors. "Right, that's settled then," Suzy declared with a single, firm nod of her head.

"What's settled?" Danny dared to ask after a few moments with no further explanation.

"You can come see me tonight, when I'm working. Hell, bring your friends if you really want to. Actually that's a good idea, I don't want you to look like some of the other pathetic guys we have in. Okay, bring your friends, and you can have some fun for a change! Instead of just sulking all night, _which_ I know you'll do," Suzy went on, holding up a finger when she saw Dan was about to argue. "If you don't have some place to go."

"You want me to come bother you at work?" He reiterated.

"Well not bother, so much. You'll probably be helping, actually. More paying customers and everything, it's a win-win situation."

"You still haven't actually told me where it is you work. Or what you do," he pointed out, earning a laugh in response.

"Oh man, I thought I'd said! Sorry, Dan. I'm a dancer! You know the Kitty Kat Club, on 14th Street?"

"You work _there_?" Dan exclaimed, sitting up and not even bothering in trying to hide the fact he was impressed. "I knew I'd seen you somewhere before! You used to do that handcuff dance!" Suzy laughed and arched an eyebrow, giving Danny what he was pretty sure could be classed as a flirtatious smirk.

"Oh, you go there a lot, huh?" She asked in a low voice, and yeah, between that and the look he was being given Dan was certain he was being hit on.

"Not really. I mean, I went with a friend a couple of times, when I used to go out," he replied with a nonchalant shrug, not reacting to Suzy's advances, mostly because he really didn't have an interest. Sure, she was nice and she had made Dan laugh, crack genuine smiles, within the short time she'd been up here with him. And there was no denying that she was super pretty, but Dan just wasn't interested in anything like that right now. At least, not with Suzy. But that was a whole other worry for some other time.

"Why don't you bring them along tonight, repay the favour? I mean, I could probably get you all in for half the price at a push, if you promise you'll behave."

"I get the feeling that won't be such a good idea," Dan sighed, thinking of Ross and the last he'd heard from him. Plus Brian was bound to go with him tonight, and there would certainly going to be drama if the two of them were there. "He's, uh... Not really to be trusted," he settled on.

"Hey, a _little_ bit of trouble never hurt anyone."

"Yeah, but he's a whole lot of trouble. And then some. Maybe another time?"

"Sure," she grinned, bouncing in excitement from where she knelt in the chair. "But you'll still be there, right?"

"I get the feeling you'll hunt me down if I'm not," Dan joked, managing a laugh from Suzy before she looked at him expectantly, wanting a real answer. "Of course I am; what time?"

"Sweet!" Suzy cried with a fist pump, jumping up to her feet. "Be there for nine," she told him, and just like that she was leaving, showing herself to the door. Danny scrambled to his feet, feeling almost obliged to go and say a proper goodbye. She paused in the doorway, spinning again to face him and giving a stern look, even going so far as to point, which, had it been anyone else, Dan would've considered a rude gesture. "Don't come alone," the young woman added before flashing Danny a warm smile, waggling her fingers. Then she turned and went off back downstairs, leaving the musician to close the door to the apartment and wonder if that entire, bizarre exchange actually happened or if he was stupid fucking high.  


* * *

  
Dan told his two friends about the girl from downstairs who demanded he take them to a dance club that night as soon as they were both home. They didn't end up asking Ross, and in fact, nobody even suggested it, for which Dan was grateful. They did, however, have a voicemail off their other old roommate Barry, and figured there was no harm in asking him to come along too. So they called him back, gave him the time and place along with a promise that they'd see him later. Arin was nervous about the whole idea, insisting that they didn't drink and wouldn't like it there.

"I'd be better off just staying here, let you guys have your fun," they tried to protest, but Brian was having none of it.

"If Danny's getting out of the house, you have to be there to witness it," he teased, gaining an incredulous look from the man in question. "Besides, you don't need to drink. You can just sit there and enjoy all the beauties that a strip club has to offer."

"I don't know, man. I don't think it's really my scene, y'know? Pole dancers and stuff doesn't just doesn't seem too great an idea. What if I don't enjoy it, and I make everyone else have a miserable night?"

"You can join Brian on the 'no enjoyment' front," Danny laughed, giving his older friend a knowing look. "Trust me, there's no way you'll be less into it than he is."

"And there's no way you'll be more miserable than Danny!" Brian countered, ruffling Arin's hair with a smile. "So we got you covered; don't worry about it."

"What's Danny miserable about?" Another voice called from the door, one that Arin didn't recognise.

"I'm not miserable!" Dan shouted over Brian's laughter, watching as he went over to greet the man who just entered their apartment. Arin swore they saw the two hug for a moment before Brian started leading him over, arm slung around the stranger's shoulders.

"Barry, this is Arin, our new roommate and resident artist," Brian introduced with a grand hand gesture which made Arin flush slightly. "And Arin, this is Barry. He's our old roommate and yet another artist."

"Filmmaker," Barry explained further, taking note of the sketch book on the side table next to Arin, nodding towards it. "Still an artist, just not like that."

"Great, we've got an artists party going on!" Dan said, throwing his arms up in the air with a grin. "Someone get Brian a piano and we can start a really diverse club."

"Literally nobody here does the same thing as anyone else in terms of their art, you idiot," Brian replied, though there was a fondness in his voice. "That's the complete opposite to the premise of a club."

"We could make music videos," Barry suggested, laughing at the enthusiastic nod Danny gave. "I film, you guys do the music. And Arin, can you animate?"

"I've never tried," they replied honestly, giving a shrug of their shoulders. "But it's all just pictures, so I guess?"

"Then we make sure Arin knows how to animate! We can film some sick footage, you guys write and play the songs, and then anything we can't film will be like a cartoon break from the live action. There, we have a club. "

"That's still not a club, it's just a group."

"Brian, stop ruining our fun," Danny whined, pouting exaggeratedly and making everyone in the room crack up. Their crazy idea was gone almost just as soon as it was brought up, carried away in the laughter of friends who knew by now that their ideas usually stayed just as that: ideas. Arin laughed along with them, but they felt slightly out of place, slotted into a group of friends that they were pretty sure could function without them. Had functioned without them, before now. They couldn't shake the feeling of awkwardness, and they were starting to convince themselves that they didn't belong here, amongst these people who were clearly so close. Then there they were, stuck on the side and trying to get in on a friendship that worked fine without them.

"Speaking of fun," Barry went on when he'd stopped laughing, speaking to Dan now and interrupting Arin's inner ramblings of insecurity. "What's the deal with tonight? As I remember it, you usually protested being dragged to strip clubs."

"He's been summoned," Brian explained, going out to the kitchen to fetch some sodas he'd bought on his way home. They weren't cold any more due to the power having been cut again that morning, but it was something at least. Barry looked lost, frowning softly as he sat down, took the can offered to him and popped it open. Brian gave Arin a warm smile when he turned to give them theirs, and Arin felt a little better about himself, felt slightly wanted at least.

"Summoned is putting it lightly," Dan grumbled, recalling the stern look that Suzy had given him earlier that day. He shuffled up on the couch, making room for Brian to sit down before going on. "I'm concerned about what state I'll be in tomorrow if I don't show up."

"Who the hell did you upset?" Barry chuckled, imagining Dan being threatened by gang members and drug overlords. That would've been quite a feat in itself, since Dan rarely left the apartment.

"This girl from downstairs, I think," and he didn't get a chance to explain any further, because Barry was laughing again, having to put down his drink so it didn't spill whilst he was doubled over in his chair. "She looked super mean!" Dan tried to explain, but that got Arin giggling too and then they were all in hysterics, with the exception of Danny who was trying his best to keep a straight face.

"Wait, let me get this straight," the filmmaker said when he had calmed down. "You got invited to a strip club by some girl, and you're taking us with you? What the fuck have I gotten myself into, Dan?"

"Jesus, it's not like that! She works there, you ass. She's a dancer. She said I can't come alone, because I'll look creepy or something, I don't know. So we're all going."

"Even you?" Barry asked, looking to Brian with his eyebrows raised. He shrugged, taking a swig of his cola before replying.

"It's a night out," Brian reasoned. "Plus Danny here got us discounted entry from all the flirting he did today."

"I _wasn't_ flirting," Dan insisted, and Arin frowned at the tone of his voice, looking over to see his friend's flushed cheeks, the hard look in his eyes. Arin would've swore that he was just embarrassed about being called out on it, only Danny's jaw was set and he looked between the two men with an expression which said the matter wasn't up for discussion. Of all the teasing they'd done, why was that the thing that had Danny pissed off? Arin couldn't say, but he made a mental note to ask about it some other time, needing an explanation for the odd behaviour.

"So _she_ flirted with _you_ ," Barry shrugged, reading between the lines and ignoring the frustrated sigh Dan gave. "Whatever. Cheap way in and a night with you guys? This whole thing might actually be fun."

"I'm glad somebody's enthusiastic; Barry might be the only only one to actually enjoy tonight," Brian said with his usual honesty "Whatever, I'll catch you bitches in ten," he said, getting to his feet and heading out of sight to get changed. His departure prompted Arin to do the same, but they just managed to catch a small exchange between Dan and Barry as they left. The latter mouthed something they couldn't quite catch, Barry's face set into an expression of worry, but Dan just shook his head.

"Fill you in later," Arin heard Dan mumble, just as they headed into their room, and yeah, there was definitely something going on there that Arin needed to investigate. Not because they wanted to be intrusive, but because they cared about Danny. More importantly, Dan cared a whole lot about them, and they just wanted to return the favour. Arin knew if the situation were reversed, Dan would probably do all he could to make sure Arin felt supported, so they were going to do the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points to anyone who picked up on the references I couldn't resist the temptation to throw in.


End file.
